By S.C. Shaw
Let me start with some harsh truth. You don’t have a soul mate, there’s no such thing, there’s not one perfect person for you. Now, before you stop reading let me explain something much more beautiful and God-ordained than a “soul-mate”. There’s a plague in the world today of false ideas of what the love of a partner should look like and or feel like. We have generation after generation running after some feeling that is distorted and doesn’t actually exist. This is the root of broken homes and distorted love.
Let’s go back to creation. God creates all things and they are good (Genesis 1:27-31). God creates man and he is good but not complete. He creates women and now there is perfect fellowship between them three (Genesis 2:18). But man and women together rebelled against God. Now everyone’s union is cursed and God now owes us death. But He chooses to save us instead. But now there is a separation between God and man and man and women. Now what? Love must be an everyday constant death to self. The love we show to God and the love we show to one another. This is the only true love out there. Not a fuzzy warm feeling that can change with every tide, but an action that you chose or not chose. Truly love or not love.
Ok, so a foundation of love was from God and was perfect. We chose death but God gives us an alternate choice. I’m giving this background because we have to realize that everything is a choice. There is no warranted feeling without conscience thought. You can’t really love without a choice to show love. Most the “love” you have felt, if not a sacrificial love, was a façade, a mirage, was not real. Think about it for a second…. All the loves you’ve had in your life. Where are they now and how do you feel about them? You might still be obsessed with them, or maybe you’re with the one you love. But without a real mindset of love that is shown to us in Scripture, you don’t know what love is, not a God type love anyway. Yes, you love your family and friends, but even that is tainted without knowing the love of God. That love enables you to truly experience and shows real love to anyone in the world. Like loving your enemies. Who else, outside with the power of God can truly love their enemies? That’s crazy talk. But God commands just that thing (Matthew 5:43-48). Love is an action!
For the Christian, it’s a little different. But unfortunately, many Christians are falsely seeking a Hollywood type love than a God-centered love. God-centered love looks very different. So how are we to think of loving a spouse or future spouse? We look to the bible for our guide. But if we were using the bible to guide everything in our lives (which we should be) then why would we not use it regarding love? But as you can see by how marriages are ending these days, we aren’t looking to the ultimate love story for guidance on love. If we did, this is what we’d see. Without quoting you the hundreds of verses on love, lets just some up what the bible says about love. Love everyone more than yourself, love your enemies and pray for them, Jesus came into the world the die for those He loved. So how do we translate that to a spouse or future spouse?
Never once in scripture does the bible command to love without action. By definition, love is an action. It’s an action before it’s an emotion. So when you choose to love someone, you love him or her non-stop, forever. The trick to marrying a certain someone is simply making sure you guys have some things in common. You could marry 1000 different people in 1000 different lifetimes and be perfectly happy with all of them. How? If it’s God-centered, and self-sacrificing, then happiness is dependent on you; your humility in getting over yourself, focusing on God and His glory, and all by His power within you. Let me sum this up, when you find someone that loves the Lord and have the same ideas about your future, then you choose to love them and don’t stop loving them. Period. It’s extremely more beautiful than this magical soul mate nonsense. If your feelings are what’s guiding you, then when your current spouse isn’t making you “feel” happy anymore and someone’s new flesh is making you feel warm and fuzzy, guess what you’re going to be chasing? This is why following your heart is about the worst advice anyone can give. Unless God rules your heart and even then, your desires better match up with God’s word or your feelings are wrong.
Remember: I know God is sovereign over all things, so I don’t think for a second that he doesn’t know who you’re marrying one day. But that doesn’t mean we sit around waiting for that gaze from across the room and music playing in the background before you decide to love someone. You’ll meet 1000 extremely attractive people in your life. People that you get along with really well, marry, and be happy. But you pick, honor and never end the love you have chosen. God will honor you in that sacrificial love.
Stop looking to the world’s idea of what love looks like, it’s backward. I don’t need to convince you, you know it’s messed up. So if the worlds got it wrong, and your friends are lonely, miserable and always making bad decisions, then whom do you look to? The God of the bible. The God that loved a rebellious bunch of self-seeking fools and chose to save and love them forever. Jesus came into this world to make a way to that one day He would bring His bride home to enjoy Him forever. The bible teaches perfect love. Open it and begin to know the power of God’s love through His word. Love you all!
Please don’t let my word be the final word on this. Pick up the Bible, read Gospel-saturated books by good authors, read good commentaries on the Bible, pick up Wayne Grudem’s “Systematic Theology”, read the 1689 London Baptist confession of faith and learn from a man’s lifetime of study and meditation on the Word of God. Most of all, trust in Jesus Christ and know what He has given us is whole, perfect and is for our good and His glory. Love you all!
The grace of the Lord Jesus be with all. Amen.